to all my in-betweeners out there
when life feels a bit like playing twister and you can't possibly bend yourself any further, yet you must to keep on going...
our twenties sure are quite the decade to navigate. a corner of the internet consoles us that we’re only baby adults, yet when we look at our peers accomplishing major milestones like buying a house or getting married or heading for the third promotion in two years, it’s only natural to feel like maybe we aren’t so “baby” after all.
recently, i thought i was a bit alone for a while in feeling that i’m in a rather strange stage of my life. turns out, there’s a few of my internet friends who also feel the same way. how i wish these lovely people living across seven seas so far away were instead only a hop down the street so that i could give them the biggest hug and let them know how much i love them.
instead, we’re making up for the lack of physical proximity by typing into our little light-up boxes and discussing this seemingly difficult life stage. a stage where making new friends happens to be one of the biggest mountains to climb because since the pandemic, we have learnt to become protective of our peace and desire only those friendships where the energy and efforts are reciprocated. life feels like it’s been on 2x speed over the past year or so, social media feels less social and more like a collection of content farms for advertising and consumerism. everyone our age seem to have grown up into these important people doing important things, and here we are feeling like we are falling behind and not where we “should be”. we begin to recognise that we’ve outgrown our companions of the past, who have now turned into ghosts, their new versions unfamiliar. and after moving out as an adult the last few years, claiming your own independence and self-discovery journey, moving back in with parents, even if it’s just a “temporary thing”, can be an experience of its own on a whole new level. not to mention, some of us are still trying to figure out where we want to go in life, or we’re still healing from past wounds whether that be burnout from a previous job, the after effects of a toxic relationship, or escaping a city that holds only haunting memories.
if you ask me, i think there are several sub-phases to being in this in-between stage. the first sub-phase is probably recognising it in regard to your professional life. if you’ve taken the path of studying a bachelors degree or diploma/certification of some sort, upon completion, the world truly does become your oyster. you’d most likely be hunting for a job (funny how they call it a “job-hunt”, as if you’re prodding around with a wooden spear in one hand and a flame torch in another, in search of and aiming at anything that will pay you money to survive in this world in exchange for your valuable time, dreams and maybe even a bit of your soul if you’re unlucky - or lucky, however you want to look at it). or you’ve been fortunate to have a job/your own work lined up already, or the only other option is you’re absolutely losing your mind trying to decide what you even want to do.
in the latter case, you blink and it’s like time zooms past you before you know it. you’re not doing “nothing” (so you’re not exactly idle) but you’re also not doing “anything” (that you feel comfortable telling anyone yet), but somehow you are still doing “something” (that fills up your day and feels like a big step forward but on paper is only a tiny tread taken). like, you’d be drawing up a plan for a new entrepreneurial venture, or you’d be applying for post-grad at university again, or in the name of seeking creative inspiration in order to pursue your passions, you’d be constantly consuming content in all forms of longform/shortform/audio/video/written media only to end up with a severe case of brain rot (more on this in another essay). regardless, you gather faith in yourself and keep moving forward with your goals and ambitions, knowing that this will all make for a great story someday.
the next sub-phase for in-betweeners is dealing with the social element in our lives. as a species, we are designed to thrive off community and being social animals, in our own way of course (knowing that everyone has their own level of extroversion/introversion). we all know that the pandemic had a huge impact in how we interact with each other socially. During that time, we were deprived of the incomparable joy of laughing out loud around people we choose to love, instead having to replace it by letting out a half-hearted stronger exhale from across the screen. But ever since things have gone “back to normal” circa mid 2022, it’s like someone in our lives hasn’t lifted their finger off the fast forward button. we’re all suddenly so much busier than we were before, and it is this same exhaustion from being busy that has become a regular excuse to not being able to hang out with friends. but it is a valid excuse for the most part i suppose, with cost of living becoming tougher, people having to work more to sustain themselves, hence being too tired or not having enough money to socialise (also more on this in another essay). and when you’re feeling stuck in your path, forcing yourself to go out and meet people is probably the last thing on our minds, especially when we want to avoid any sort of intruding questions that we don’t know the answers to.
but i don’t think all is doom and gloom for us in-betweeners. like the term itself suggests, we are only between one stage of life and the next, this phase isn’t going to be forever, even if it seems like it is dragging out longer for some of us than others. it is really important for us to frequently remind our own selves of that. comparision really is the thief of joy. instead, simple habits like writing our accomplishments of the day every night (no matter how big or small those accomplishments are!), listing three things you’re grateful for (if you’re reading this you can start with being literate, having internet access and a smart device), practicing mindfulness and more such activities can go a long way. being an in-betweener can mean we are more easily susceptible to self doubt and heavy self-criticism, therefore we must put extra conscious effort to be more kinder to ourselves.
often, we think that once we are at a certain stage of life, things will magically be better and we would automatically become unstoppable. but almost always we fail to keep in mind that life is actually about the journey, not the destination. you’ve probably been in such in-between stages before, but perhaps your situations and circumstances are more unique and different this time, which is why it feels like a tougher hurdle. but take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, that this too shall pass. hang in there my friend, and make the most of the gift of time you have at hand.
p.s. i was really debating publishing this essay. personally, i’ve been too in my own head these days about whether what i am creating is good enough or not. so even if this essay isn’t perfect, i decided i just need to do it, just start and stop doubting already. so the writing here might appear a bit all over the place, or it may or may not be up to standards, but it does hold significance to me for finally giving myself a chance to at least fail, because that means i’ve done something versus nothing. thank you for reading, i hope my words meet you again soon.
Oh my love, you are good enough. Your writing is amazing. I read the whole piece from top to bottom and I thought it was very beautiful. The funny thing I've noticed with authenticity is that you don't even have to be excellent in what you do or the art you produce. It goes with the natural flow state and is a magnet to the soul. Your piece portrays the power of vulnerability (something that I preach about through my essays here on substack) and that is more than anyone could ask for. I also understand how hard it can be for us writers to see the value of our work. But we must remember that being able to touch a single person through our writing makes such a huge difference. So thank you, and keep them coming!